I don't know what's wrong with me.
i can't sleep and I can't stay awake. I lie in my recliner day and night like a giant sloth. I do very little, and nothing holds my interest. I usually read or write or work puzzles or do some kind of busyness. But it seems to be too much work to hold up a book, or to hold up my blob of a body and type or write.
It's definitely asking a lot of myself to do dishes or sweep the floors. Or go to the store.
Or put things away.
Or anything besides nothing, as I wait for the next round of sleep to bless me with unawareness.
Yes, this all sounds like the old demon Depression. I'm already drugging that and it's been working. Or I thought it was.
Anyway, I don't think that's the problem, but that particular demon can be a great deceiver.
This feels different. I don't really know how to explain it, but it feels like a metabolic malfunction. But when I see doctors, there is nothing provably wrong with me. Everything is testing out fine, and within my established norms.
I try to keep myself busy, which is quite a trick when doing nothing. When I have plans, when I can help, I do so, with pleasure.
And I really, really really wish I could go for a long walk on these quiet nights.
But I can't.
