But I knew That...

Life sucks.

People suck.
Even the ones we rely on. Haha. They are the first to tell you you deserve the shit and throw in abot of name calling too.

Technology sucks.
It changes too fast and it keeps getting more automated and there are no checks and balances for the inhuman.


I am seeing a lot of memes and posts (*inspirational* haha) about what would you tell your self from ten years ago, or your 15 year old self, or reflective issues like that.

Sadly, grievingly, I have the same answer for them all.

End it Now.

Don't Wait.

It does NOT get better.

While there are moments -- good wonderful moments that should be cherished -- that are cherished -- the truth is that those moments are the biggest brightest lies. Like the brightest stars in the sky are the shooting stars.
Tis their death that brings the brilliance.

If you want to shine, die.


As a parent, I have failed. I did not give them a better life. I did not give them tools for making a better life. I failed them. I did not teach them how to have and sustain a loving relationship. How and why that didn't work, I don't know, but it (didn't) happen.

As a worker, I worked until I couldn't anymore, and am now useless.

As a writer -- ah, there you may think I did okay. I did better than many. I wrote.
and wrote.
and wrote.

I even saved a lot of it.

On floppy disks.
You know, like no computer still existing anywhere is ever able to read.

I saved some stuff on the cloud.
The cloud blew away.
I should say the cloudSSS blew away, because I've had to do a new cloud account with every computer crash.
And with every computer replacement, there is no way (that I can find) to access former computer cloud accounts.

so, I will wait, as I have been waiting all my life.
waiting to no longer have to wait.

What WILL I do with my time?

Bad day; Sad Day

This day just passing has been a bad, sad, discombobulated day.
I don't know why it's sad, but it is.
That's how it feels.
How it has felt.
All day long.
All afternoon.
All evening.
All night.

It was a thousand little "if anything could go wrong it will" day.
Nothing big; nothing ruinous; nothing disastrous.
Lost keys; forgot something at the store; every red light in town; trip over own feet; power strip stops working; internet goes out; etc.

Just one of those days.

It would be unremarkable if not for the sadness that seems to be in the very pores of the day.

I've tried analyzing. The sadness isn't the melancholy of depression.
It isn't the loss of any one or any thing. Thank God.
It isn't the aftermath of anger or argument.
It isnt because of rain all day -- that's a YAY! for spring is coming.

But, it has still been a bad, sad day.

Here's to the new day and new timing being a glad fab day.

My Verizon Isn't Mine.

My phone died.
It started getting hot, then hotter, until it wouldn't come on. Until it left a char mark on the cardboard I use for a mousepad.
So I bought another phone thinking to change the number over to the new phone.


This is where the nightmare begins.
First, I'm to get on a computer and sign onto my myverizon account.
I never set up a myverizon account; never needed to. Did everything through the phone; in reply to messages and such.


Next, I tried calling. Talk to someone; they do this all the time. Easy-peasy, right?
I pity the ignorance. Especially my own.


They -- the automated system -- no real people with brains and fingers and such -- want the PIN for my old phone.
Yeah, no PIN. I used a diagram/design thing for unlocking the phone and such. No numbers.


Okay, we'll go through Google. Whats your email, and then again, a PIN.
I don't have a PIN. I have a password. A password will not work. It needs to be numerical.


Also, it never got to this point, but the phone was set up using a different google account. Tam couldn't remember my address so sje made up a new one. A few password changes and attempts to link accounts, and I finally DID succeed in linking the two google accounts and getting my phone to get email and notices from my 'real' google account.
In my mind, the next roadblock will be/would be needing password to the made-up-for-the-occasion account. I have no clue. Haven't needed it for about a year for anything.


And, oh yes, any time you try to get to talk to a person, the automated system says that that is a wrong choice (I forget the exact words) and disconnects the call.


There's a Verizon store here in Mt Orab. It's mainly for selling contracts, but I may go and see if they can help me. Probably not; they already have a reputation for being NOT helpful unless you are contracting through them.


There's a Verizon owned Verizon store somewhere -- I think where Beechmont Mall used to be, or maybe at Eastgate. No, it would be too easy and simple for me if it were to be at Eastgate. Anyway, I'm not sure where it is. And I'm not sure if I'd even want to drive there on a weekend.

I am at the mercy of the robots