Life sucks.
People suck.
Even the ones we rely on. Haha. They are the first to tell you you deserve the shit and throw in abot of name calling too.
Technology sucks.
It changes too fast and it keeps getting more automated and there are no checks and balances for the inhuman.
I am seeing a lot of memes and posts (*inspirational* haha) about what would you tell your self from ten years ago, or your 15 year old self, or reflective issues like that.
Sadly, grievingly, I have the same answer for them all.
End it Now.
Don't Wait.
It does NOT get better.
While there are moments -- good wonderful moments that should be cherished -- that are cherished -- the truth is that those moments are the biggest brightest lies. Like the brightest stars in the sky are the shooting stars.
Tis their death that brings the brilliance.
If you want to shine, die.
As a parent, I have failed. I did not give them a better life. I did not give them tools for making a better life. I failed them. I did not teach them how to have and sustain a loving relationship. How and why that didn't work, I don't know, but it (didn't) happen.
As a worker, I worked until I couldn't anymore, and am now useless.
As a writer -- ah, there you may think I did okay. I did better than many. I wrote.
and wrote.
and wrote.
I even saved a lot of it.
On floppy disks.
You know, like no computer still existing anywhere is ever able to read.
I saved some stuff on the cloud.
The cloud blew away.
I should say the cloudSSS blew away, because I've had to do a new cloud account with every computer crash.
And with every computer replacement, there is no way (that I can find) to access former computer cloud accounts.
so, I will wait, as I have been waiting all my life.
waiting to no longer have to wait.
What WILL I do with my time?
People suck.
Even the ones we rely on. Haha. They are the first to tell you you deserve the shit and throw in abot of name calling too.
Technology sucks.
It changes too fast and it keeps getting more automated and there are no checks and balances for the inhuman.
I am seeing a lot of memes and posts (*inspirational* haha) about what would you tell your self from ten years ago, or your 15 year old self, or reflective issues like that.
Sadly, grievingly, I have the same answer for them all.
End it Now.
Don't Wait.
It does NOT get better.
While there are moments -- good wonderful moments that should be cherished -- that are cherished -- the truth is that those moments are the biggest brightest lies. Like the brightest stars in the sky are the shooting stars.
Tis their death that brings the brilliance.
If you want to shine, die.
As a parent, I have failed. I did not give them a better life. I did not give them tools for making a better life. I failed them. I did not teach them how to have and sustain a loving relationship. How and why that didn't work, I don't know, but it (didn't) happen.
As a worker, I worked until I couldn't anymore, and am now useless.
As a writer -- ah, there you may think I did okay. I did better than many. I wrote.
and wrote.
and wrote.
I even saved a lot of it.
On floppy disks.
You know, like no computer still existing anywhere is ever able to read.
I saved some stuff on the cloud.
The cloud blew away.
I should say the cloudSSS blew away, because I've had to do a new cloud account with every computer crash.
And with every computer replacement, there is no way (that I can find) to access former computer cloud accounts.
so, I will wait, as I have been waiting all my life.
waiting to no longer have to wait.
What WILL I do with my time?
