Betterhelp.com

There have been commercials for the betterhelp organization for a while. It is a part of the fresh(er) focus on mental health, and a building step in making online treatment more available.

The most frequent commercials are a man in a gym and a man in a parachute. 

The ad with the man in the gym is pretty good. One man sees another lifting weights from a bench (bench pressing?) and he gets stuck, The man hurries over to offer help and the man in need refuses, on grounds of family and pride and all that stuff. 

The man offering his help does not walk away saying, "choke then," or abandon the endangered man. While the action shown is not a resolution, it gets the point across that sometimes turning down help can be a passive surrender or suicide. And that the idea is  -- strange. 

But it is the other commercial that I want to talk about. 

The parachute ad takes my breath away. 

The person pulls the cord and the parachute doesn't deploy. He says something along the lines of "oh no, what will I do?"

Another skydiver near him says "grab hold of me; we can go down together." 

And no-parachute says "Oh no, I dont want to ruin your experience."

Like watching him go splat is going to convey joy to the experience? Knowing that it was preventable?

For quite a while, I dismissed that to the stupid commercial category in my brain, with the cat litter that says try it for yourself, and the man who doesn't want chicken blood in his chicken.

But this is more than that. 

It has layers.

Pretty wonderful layers, when you think about it.

That's the insidious things about mental illness. 

Often, when you need help, you don't want to ask for it. You want to do it yourself. Not involve others. 

Another trick it plays is to limit your vision and close your mind. 

In the skydiver's case, he sees jumping, chute opening, landing, is THE WAY it's done. Anything else is wrong. Any other way is wrong. He has already messed up the event for everyone. His chute didn't open and now everyone will know what a klutz (at best) he is, and they'll all hate him for ruining this day. 

But the other diver knows that a rescue can be effected, Things will change; the standard rules may have to be adapted, but they can both have a successful landing if they work together. 

He refuses, because of 'messing up the experience.'

As I said before, as if a big splat isn't going to do that anyway.

He can't see that, though. 

It's just not in his frame of reference. His mind is closed to any other possibility.

There is no solution that allows a standard outcome. Therefore, his reasoning ability stops at: there is no solution. Period. 

And that, my friends, is why and how people can and do commit suicide. They can see no other solution. No way out. 

Not even when there are others nearby saying this will work, this can be tried, this can help. Let me help.

The man falling cannot think beyond there is no solution, even though he is the one placing the period at the end of the sentence. In reality, there are commas and colons and other punctuation that will carry the thought beyond a full stop in that place.

This is the nature of a mental illness.

This is the illness, in many cases. 

This illness can be cured. 

There are as many ways to a cure for the mind as there are for the body. Medicines, therapies, training. As the body can be trained, so is the mind. If it wasn't so, we would all remain helpless crying babies, and we would not survive long. There would be no survival, no growth, no adaptation.

And, for me, this commercial, brief as it is, manages to convey some hint of that being the wrong message.

As long as one is capable of seeing beyond the "usual" "expected" "should-bes"

As long as the mind is open. 

Monday's Misadventures

My Monday , the last day of February 2022

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Well the day started out when I reached out to turn off my CPAP machine and my glasses jumped off the stand and hid. I swear I heard them giggling while I was trying to find them.

Also, my internet was out. Again.

My sister Rita happened to be in town and she came  by and crawled around on my floor patting the carpet and moving stuff around, instead of me doing it for the thousandth time. Or was it the millionth?

She didn't have it easy finding them, although I think the only giggles she heard were ours, at the ridiculous situation.

But she did find them, in a place that had been checked multiple times. 

But she did it!

Yay Rita!

Now that I have my glasses again, I can get started on today's life, which was going to laundromat and grocery store and pharmacy. 

I went to Marathon laundromat in Mt Orab because they are a better value laundromat and because I have prescriptions to pick up at Kroger's, which is across the road. I can get it all done. 

Every other machine is out of order.
Because of that I had to use two smaller washers, so I ran out of money. 

No biggie, I'll go to the ATM at the attached Marathon Mart. What a joke. 

The ATM is not being serviced. 

They don't do cash back at the register, either. 

 I don't get to dry my clothes. At least not here and now. Unless I want to leave my laundry and my parking space.Guess I'll stop off in Bethel to do that job. My luck, their ATM will also not be working.

I was running out of belief in my day.
I should have stayed in bed when my glasses went into hiding, and my internet was gone.

When I went to Kroger, I decided I may as well shop since I needed to Cashback. (ATM costs @$5, Cashback is fifty cents). So after I have cashed out and put my card away, the girl tells me she is running a cashless register. 

I have to take my receipt to customer service to get my $20.

At customer service there was a line (of course) and the person right in front of me was buying money orders - you know how time consuming that can be- and then his bank wouldn't do the card transaction the way it was supposed to. "This is why I buy money orders," he said. (Been there done that.)





So I came home, my clothes still wet, and put groceries away. My clothes shouldn't mildew overnight, and if they do, I'll just have to figure it out.

And when I got home, I still had no internet . I am in an outage. Yay me.

At least this time I have data and telephone.

When I came out of Kroger's, I couldn't find my car. I walked right to where I had parked it and there was this shiny almost black car sitting there.

So I walked around the other lanes, went back to store and walked back out to the same spot where I had parked it.
And it was there this time!
I owe Hailey a big apology. My car really does look completely different when you approach it from the passenger side. (She made the same mistake once when I picked her up at school.)

But I had no need to look for the helpers, because they were looking out for me. At the laundromat, in the store, and several times in the parking lot.

That makes it, overall, a very good day.

"George has passed."

 "George has passed."

Word began circulating early Sunday in our small town. The hushed tones, shaded with loss and awe, and the meandering wandering of "Is this true?" ans "How did you hear?", because it was somehow as unbelievable as it was believably inevitable.

George. 

The old fisherman.

The old farmer

The old friend.

Our man about town.

Our story teller.

Our history.

Most small towns have or have had a "George." The person who knows everyone, goes everywhere. The one who talks with everyone, and listens in return. The one who just is his marvelous self.

This is a loss, as it always is, when a piece of history drops into the infinity of the past. How strange the streets will seem, when the weather warms and human hibernations come to an end. 

Someday, sometime, a former resident will ask about him, and someone will have to share the news.

The news will be as striking as it was Sunday morning, when it was a word of mouth shout. 

This news will never be old, until all of us at the end of his story have followed him. 

Until then, let us keep his memory alive.

More importantly, let us keep his meaning alive, to share and care.

Services will be private, as is fitting. In the end, the public man 'belongs' with those he's chosen. The public man, everyone's friend, belongs firstly to himself. 

Let us give him the dignity of true respect.

Let us Remember him.

https://www.ecnurre.com/obituaries/George--R--Rooks?obId=24092725#/obituaryInfo

Thoughts and Prayers

 We see or hear it every day. Good news, or more often bad, is shared on social media, and the poster is flooded with thoughts and prayers, and hands clapping together. 

There are those who see this as the only response to these small worries and larger personal disasters.  Because they don't see the respondent pick up the phone to call, or their car keys to head over to the afflicted home or family.

Some even wonder if those posting thoughts and prayers are even actually thinking or praying. Or are they making the polite response? Like "How are you?" as a greeting, but not really listening or interested to know how the other actually is.

Of course they have actually had a thought concerning the matter. They could hardly have read the post, let alone replied, without having a thought. As for praying, what is prayer but a directed thought?

But these conversations can make one wonder. They can make one take a long, deep look at their own personal version of "thoughts and prayers" being a helpful thing to do.

For those who have Faith in a deity, it's a no-brainer. They know. Faith is belief without proof, and they don't need proof. The truly faithful will do 'extra' things like add the names to a prayer list and call to ask others to pray  also. They may do this, and be trying to think of how else they can be helpful to those in need. Or they may not. That is between them, tyheir faith, and their deity.

There are others who wonder. Can "thoughts and prayers" make a difference in the outcome? Can thoughts and prayers effect a cure, decelerate a situation, or have any type of result?  (There have been research studies done, with mixed results.)

Will the differences, if they do occur, be lasting or ephemeral? Does it matter more in the long run, or the short term?

Even more importantly, why would they work? Is there any kind of science that can possibly explain this phenomenon? What could it be? How would it work?

The place to start is with a thought. What is a thought? What makes a thought? 

It is a spark. A minute (or notso small) creation of electrical energy in the brain. Not necessarily seen, or smelled, or identified by any other sense. But energy where there was none somehow has become a fact.

According to science, everything is or becomes energy. Many energies cycle through the states of liquid, solid, gas. Many energies become different forms of energy, as a result of a spark. 

Once, there was thought to be three states of matter -- solid,liquid, and gas. 

Now a fourth state is recognized. Plasma. Plasma is matter turned to energy. There are experiments with the energy of plasma becoming matter. Some scientists say it is impossible; others say they have achieved success at molecular or atomic levels. What greater things can be achieved once they learn and acquire understanding of how this works!

It is my belief -- unproven at this time -- that that may be how thoughts and prayers work. It is energy that can (although no one knows how) be directed in a certain manner for a certain purpose.

It may be that some people can do this, without consciousness, just as there are some who can draw or carve or create music or songs. 

It may be that there are people who can be trained to do these same things -- paint a landscape, vibrate a reed into organized tones (that create an emotion), direct energy toward a stranger who needs healing. 

Of course, it is equally true that these things don't work that way, that they happen randomly or not at all, that they can never be taught if they do eist.

But they might.

Science is finding out. 

Science is learning.

Most of all, Science is keeping open to the possibilities.

Winter Morning. December 2019

This cold winter's morning, as the darkness edges away from the horizon, I find myself wishing that I was--elsewhere. And maybe elsewhen.

 
What would I be doing, and where would I be?

 
Sitting in a rocking chair on a porch, wearing flannels and wool, wrapped in a blanket, a quilt, a comforter. Which or how many of these would depend on the temperature of the air and the prevailing winds.
In my hands a hot drink. It doesn't matter what. Tea, coffee, cocoa, a toddy, hot lemonade.
The steam from the drink both warms and wets my nose. The warmth of the contents warms the cup and the hands that hold the cup.
Or do the hands warm the cup, keeping the fresh warmth from escaping?
No matter. It and I am warm and we hold one another in warmth.

 
Before me are treetops. Behind me, behind my home, are trees.
Layers of trees.
Rows of trees.

Rising solemnly in ranks and ledges and lines.
They stand silent, or Not-so-silent, in the breaking of day. They rustle, they murmur, reminding me of stretching and waking and the hushed voices of rising.
I smile and sip and look.
Below me, I see the stream moving, smoked silver in the pre-dawn. I hear the shushing of the water as it falls into the pool. I cannot see the falls -- not yet -- but I know they are there. I feel the cleansed air against my skin. I smell the freshness. I hear the soothing sounds, and
I walk away from my window looking out on the busy highway, and I wish -- Oh, how I wish! -- that the place I have been was somewhere I could actually be.

What Will It Take? (Vaxxing, pt 4.)

 Let me answer the obvious first. 

There are those who will not be convinced, persuaded, reasoned with, ordered, bullied, or otherwise even try to become vaccinated. Not against covid, not against flu, not against shingles, measles, mumps, diphtheria, rubella, polio, tetanus, or anything else. 

They have already decided.

They have already made up their minds.

They know all there is to know about it, no matter what variations come along and no matter what new discoveries, or prognoses come along. 

They have made up their decision. 

This is not for or about them. There are many people out there still studying, still wishing, still wanting to, but...

This is to give them a voice, however small.

One of the biggest changes in administration of the covid vaccine is that now the more at risk people are being encouraged to go for it. After time has shown a good 'protection' record -- not necessarily prevention -- and that the vaccine itself poses less -- but not zero -- risk of contracting the illness, it's been decided by medical professionals that the risk is on the side of vaccines. 

There are always risks. People -- persons -- are individual and react individually. DNA and environment and nutritional and attitude all combine to make the reaction to heal or to hell. 

THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES.

There never have been. 

However.

What is stopping those that want to, but?

Here are a few answers.

The vaccines are usually mostly available in high traffic areas. Usually in or around pharmacies or hospital/clinics where sick people gather. 

Even with an appointment, you have to wait. 

In crowds.

Of sick people.

This is not a good idea for anyone who is even partially at risk for contagion.

Another problem is that there are no clear protocols for how/when/where to go once you reach the facility. 

In the pharmacy, do you go to sign in at the drop-off for prescriptions, at the pick-up for prescriptions, in the waiting area with no window? Or somewhere else entirely? And remember that each of these areas will probably be filled with coughing, sneezing, feverish, sweating, people who don't want to be there either.

In a facility, do you go to admitting, or through an ER or Urgent Care, or maybe straight to the lab? Do you, as a patient, know where any or all of these areas are? 

Why do the signs say "Walk-ins welcome. Make an appointment first."?

Are the hours posted clearly? 

Is there anyone working that specific area during the posted hours? Or are the 'preventive' people  having to mingle with the contagious ones?

Why is everyone saying  free with no insurance necessary, and the next line reads, bring your insurance cards?

At this point, especially with the alphabetically named surges shoving each other out of the way, it seems/feels/is more endangering to go out in search of the vaccine than it is to stay home, mask, sanitize, and ding-dong-ditch deliveries.

After nearly two years, and now that out efforts have turned to the more at-risk persons, can we not have some logical organization that applies to everyone? If only signs at each establishment specifying each step needed. 

Not sign-in at pharmacy.  Sign in at row b line 3. 

Not go straight to lab with orders; only to be worked-in in-between patients who do have orders. 

These things were done better at first, but the organizations seem to have fallen away as we are getting down to the people who need it the most.

Let's fix this, so that everyone who WANTS to, CAN DO.

Christmas Calm

 This is my Christmas tree. Today is January 4. The tree has been up since the day after Thanksgiving. As usual.

As you can see, there are gifts waiting, for my sisters and mostly for my grandkids. 

I like looking at these gifts, ready and waiting for the children.

There are no spectacular gifts this year; at least I don't think so. They had no burning desires for anything special, except Warren wanted a real robot. I left that to Santa.

These are gifts that say "I love you." and maybe even "the silliest things make me think of you." Special for no other reason than that.

I had an opportunity to take their gifts to them on Christmas Eve, but they weren't wrapped. And they would be on Christmas break from their schools. Surely we'd somehow get together in that time.

But it did not happen. 

Life got in the way, with all its complications and contradictions. Illness, wellness, work, cars, the current pandemic. (Current for nearly two years now. That's a long time for a "right now" event, don't you think?) All sorts of stuff; the 'stuff' of daily living. 

Life got in the way.

Once upon a time, this would have infuriated me, or insulted me, or any of many intense negative emotional reactions. 

But I'm not mad.

They'll get them sometime.

When life allows.

In the meantime, I can look at the gifts and be pleased that I have gifts for them. There have been times -- many, many times -- when that couldn't didn't happen. 

I can wait for the giving. 

I can wait for the children.

I can wait for life to return to normal, or something approaching that.

Life will never be normal again.

Too much has changed.

But love doesn't.

The joy of giving doesn't.

That is the normal I can wait for.

Vaxxing, part 3

 I have written about the rights involved in the considerations about masking and vaxxing. 

That is ALL I have been writing about, although side issues have been mentioned.

I've been talking about "rights." That is all

There are issues aside from the right to say yes or no, and living with the consequences thereof. 

Vaccines are a good thing. Even new experimental untested vaccines have a useful purpose. How else can they be tested? And is knowingly getting a vaccine that may not work, or even may make you ill. any worse than going about unprotected world where you may unknowingly catch the illness? 

These are the decisions each individual makes for themselves. Do not make decisions without consideration of consequences. There are a few people, specifically men, who never had mumps, but refused the vaccine when it was developed because it was a 'kids' disease' and they were no longer children. They later came to regret that decision. 

There are always consequences. 

Do not say "No" to a life-saving treatment just because you have the right to say "No." Just because you can is the worst reason in the world to not adopt a behavior or take an action. 

Do not consider just your self and your desires . Consider your situation and your lifestyle. Weigh your risks. What of your family, your friends, your co-workers? How could (not will) your decision on this matter affect them? How will (or could) your action or inaction impact them? 

Try to imagine the extreme results from both or all choices, not just the ones you prefer. 

Separate your "Rights" from their needs. 

Decide what's best.

Let me reword that. 

Make the best decision you can with the information available. 

What you do is up to you.

What you do to others is not. 

Masking and Vaxing: part two

 I've had a problem getting this written, as it seems like there's something more, or new (is it?) every day. I do like to be up to date  with my posts, even when they are rapidly outdated by the next new thing to come about. 

But, my main topic was and is about the issue of people's rights. There has been no major change on that front. Some places are refusing to demand them, some places are only demanding proof, and the politicians are squawking and seesawing on the topic. 

That means, to me, that I can safely offer my opinion and give my reasons why. 

I don't think any of my readers are advocates of violence against fat old ladies with bum legs sitting in their hermitage.

Sure hope not.

I said previously that masking is not a civil rights issue. It is an on/off or yes/no situation wherein each person has the right to decide their level of participation. As with all such issues, there are consequences to the choices made, either way. 

I do NOT think the same way about the vaccines.

I do not think anyone should be forced to be vaccinated. 

That is, no one who can think for themselves. And the caretakers of babies, children, and anyone mentally impaired should study and think long and hard over what they will have done to another person. Weigh the risks. Weigh the likelihoods. Weigh the evidence.

Deciding for another person is a weighty matter. In my opinion, even moreso than for yourself. 

I do not think vaccines should be mandated. 

Doing so is a violation of the right to bodily autonomy.

It is forcing a foreign substance known to be rooted in a harmful medium. 

In almost all other ways, this is not allowed. 

Rape is the most obvious form of "sharing" outside elements by forcing them into another body. And our understanding of rape has been growing, so that we are more aware of the wrongness of this action.

From low level battery to high definition assault, no one is allowed to put things in someone else's body without their consent.

From ancient slavery to current human trafficking and the selling of children, no one is allowed to put others in a situation where they must let others put things in their bodies without their consent. 

Sick people who spit or knowingly force their foreign matter into someone else's body have been, are being charged with attempted murder.

Society -- and governments -- know that these are wrongs. 

They would still be wrongs if the parents were selling their children.

They would still be wrongs if the parents were renting out their daughters.

They would still be wrongs if the batterer or murderer says "She's MY wife." (Or boyfriend, or ex, or my best friend from kindergarten.) 

It is a violation of their right to their own body.

*************************

Now, I do not mean to say the vaccines are a bad thing. 

I don't mean to say that they are or aren't nonsense, or that they are a conspiracy, or that they are unnecessary. 

I'm not saying the science is bad, or wrong, either.

I'm saying that I (every individual) have the right to decide what goes in my body.

And when, and where, and how, and, most lately, how often. 

That is my right, and no one else's.

Masking and Vaxing: Part One.

 The big topic for the last several months has been the "rights" of individuals during a health crisis. The basic issues do not depend on how real or how novelized said health crisis is. 

Masking. 

A public health measure, and one with a tradition of effectiveness. It is a step towards normality after a period of quarantine, and it is simple.

Cover your nose and mouth. 

Yes, it gets hard to breathe, and yes, it can fog up your eyeglasses, or mess up  a fancy haircut. 

Well, when you are dead, you are NOT breathing, and your glasses may fog, but you will not be affected by this. 

Your fancy hairdo, however, may enhance your final appearance in this life and those losing you can remember how beautiful you were the last time they saw you. Before the worms or the warmth take you away forever.

One hopes they will use that  memory to forget the one of choking, gasping, crying in pain, or with an exhaust pipe stuck into your chest through your mouth.

That is, of course, if what kills you is the Terrible Disease. Which it most likely will not be. You may never ever even get a symptom of it. (Which does not mean you habe never had it; many peopel don't have synptoms.)

Still, why take a chance when there's such a basic, simple, non-invasive precaution that can be taken?

There are solutions to the problems, for most people. 

Have you ever wondered why the plague masks of doctors have long bird beaks? Or have you blindly believed the so-called experts who say it was to put herbs and concoctions in so that they wouldn't get sick? (And why is this mocked, when so many of our modern medicines began as herbal remedies?)

No.

The plague masks with the bird beaks, even without herbs and concoctions, allow the air room to circulate. You do not immediately breathe in what you just breathed out. 

Many people who dressed as plague doctors last Halloween kept and used their masks, and developers, retailers, inventors, and marketers all took notice.

They created other forms of masks, that had pouches for air circulation. 

They made something called a turtle which looks ridiculously like a dog muzzle, but has the same effect as the pouch or beak. It holds the mask away from the nose and mouth but they remain covered. It gives the air room to move.

Some say that mask mandates are a violation of their civil rights. There are a lot of arguments to this claim, including one man busting a hole in his one cabin so the very full (of passengers) boat fills with seawater. It was his room, he said, and he paid for it, and therefore it is his right to do whatever he wants in his PRIVATE SPACE. 

Remind me never to rent a property to this guy, if he survives this exercise of his personal rights.

PUBLIC HEALTH.

The purpose of public health officials and the reason for their existence is to protect the general public when it comes to health matters. 

It is their job.

If they were not doing their job, these same rights proponents would be complaining just as loudly and be twice as upset if they were not doing their job. 

That is, if they arent too dead or sick to be concerned about their rights while they are saying their good-byes -- long distance and through a cold hard screen. No hugs, although many tears. no one last touch, no stroke of the fingers along the arm, no last brush of lips and breath of breath.

No hand to hold on as the Great Mystery is about to unfold itself.

We mostly know that we go alone, but we've thought there would be a friendly hand holding ours as we move beyond, or a familiar voice lingering in our ears as sounds from here-and-now fade. 

Wear your masks. Get fancy, get plain, put a muzzle on underneath or wear a bird beak. 

Yes, it's awkward.

Yes, it looks stupid.

Yes, it's inconvenient.

But it doesn't hurt. 

It really isn't expensive. 

In most cases, it doesn't make you sick. 

And you may never know how many people it may keep alive and well.

Your friend has a civil right to live in minimal safety.

It is the job of government and public health to offer everyone -- you included -- that chance.