Sometimes it seems, even to me, that I accomplish less than I am capable of because I spend too much time on seeing what can't be done. If only I had more time, if only I had more money, if only the rest-of-the-world would cooperate with me and my needs. If only this, if only that.
I don't let my children get away with that, not for very long. I tell them, "You have to think of a way around that." I tell them, "There has to be a way." I say, "I know you can figure it out. But you have to be the one to do it."
We are all wrapped up in our own if-onlys. An obstacle for one person is a piece of cake for another. But just because they can do X doesn't mean they can do Y. Personality, social skills, necessity all have a part in each small success.
I like to think that when I am if-onlying, that it means I am actively engaged in thinking my way in, out of, around, and through a problem, whatever its nature. Usualy that is what's going on in my head. I bring it up in conversation, in writing, bevause it is occupying my mind ad I wrestle with the components of the If-only.
I can see, though, where it may not look like that to outsiders.
I can see where it may look like "There she goes, whining again." I can see that it can appear to be the worst kind of self-pity.
When someone brings up the same subject, over and over again, don't assume they are asking for your help in any pjysical sense. Unless that's what they are asking for, of course.If you don't want to get any more involved, don't be afraid to ay that you don't want to go into that; you have nothing new to contribute. Those of us who wrestle with demons or ideas often don't realize how single-minded we can be. We also may not remember if we discussed this with you before, or at what stage. No honest thought-wrangler is going to hold it against you that your thought-world isn't theirs.
If only can be an exvuse. If only definitely can describe limitations.
But keep listening, because "if only" can also mean "what do you think?" and there isn
no greater compliment than having someone actually listening to what you think.
If only there were more people like that.
I don't let my children get away with that, not for very long. I tell them, "You have to think of a way around that." I tell them, "There has to be a way." I say, "I know you can figure it out. But you have to be the one to do it."
We are all wrapped up in our own if-onlys. An obstacle for one person is a piece of cake for another. But just because they can do X doesn't mean they can do Y. Personality, social skills, necessity all have a part in each small success.
I like to think that when I am if-onlying, that it means I am actively engaged in thinking my way in, out of, around, and through a problem, whatever its nature. Usualy that is what's going on in my head. I bring it up in conversation, in writing, bevause it is occupying my mind ad I wrestle with the components of the If-only.
I can see, though, where it may not look like that to outsiders.
I can see where it may look like "There she goes, whining again." I can see that it can appear to be the worst kind of self-pity.
When someone brings up the same subject, over and over again, don't assume they are asking for your help in any pjysical sense. Unless that's what they are asking for, of course.If you don't want to get any more involved, don't be afraid to ay that you don't want to go into that; you have nothing new to contribute. Those of us who wrestle with demons or ideas often don't realize how single-minded we can be. We also may not remember if we discussed this with you before, or at what stage. No honest thought-wrangler is going to hold it against you that your thought-world isn't theirs.
If only can be an exvuse. If only definitely can describe limitations.
But keep listening, because "if only" can also mean "what do you think?" and there isn
no greater compliment than having someone actually listening to what you think.
If only there were more people like that.
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