Sui-sides: My side

When I decide to die, it's not your fault. You are in no way responsible for my decision. It's MY decision.

When I choose to die, it won't be about you. I acknowledge that there will be a feeling that I didn't love you enough to live, and there will be a lot of wondering how could I do that to you. I say again, I can't say  often enough -- it's not about you.

I didn't love you enough?

First off, it is my great, great, overwhelming love for each and every one of you that has kept me going this long. Because I have loved you, I got up from my bed and cooked, and advised,  and even drove all over the countryside  because YOU NEEDED ME.
It is my love for you that keeps me trying.

My love for you has kept me going beyond all reason, beyond all sanity.

Sometimes, in the bad times, I resent that. I don't want held. I want free. Free to live my life  -- or NOT!

How could I do what, exactly, to you? End my life? Lay myself down to  a sleep where I won't have to go to the bathroom, or answer  the telephone, or do any of the many, many things that rob me of my rest, that steal peace from me?
How is that doing something to you? What makes you the star of my death?

I'm tired.
I'm sick.
I'm sick and tired.

I am also in pain. Mental, physical, emotional. Doesn't matter. I hurt.
I hurt, and you can't make that better, although  I know you want to.
I hurt, and healing is too hard. Another chore, another job, another effort.

It's not that you aren't worth  the effort -- you ARE.
It's just too hard, and it hurts too badly.

Finally.
I can't.
I just can't.

Not even you can make it worthwhile.

Give me rest.
Let me rest.

Meth Madness

Once again, the Authorities are going overboard. A recent news story reported the confiscation of meth making materials from a home with small children. No one was arrested, no one was charged (yet), and the report included the information that  no apparatus for making meth was found.
The news story concluded with a picture of the (presumed) confiscated goods. A plastic bucket with a brush, some plastic or rubber gloves, and a whole bunch of cleaning supplies.

My brother remarked that they wouldn't have confiscated anything for a box of Nyquil and a bottle of Drano. Maybe, maybe not. Small town police departments have a way of deciding guilt first, then looking for proof.

Anyway, anyone can have a lot of any or many things, depending on how or where and when they shop.
We get one check a month -- not welfare, if it matters to you. So, I try to buy everything I need, or may need, at one time. This includes 2 boxes of mucinex-d type medicines and 2 boxes of Alka Seltzer Plus. Both are dr reccommended for my husband, who has COPD. He can take the mucus tablets 4 times a day if needed, but 2 x seems to keep that problem at bay. The alka-seltzer plus helps, as well as helping with hydration. But that's relatively unimportant.

 I also buy Thera-flu and Benadryl and sometimes generic children's dimetapp.
Plus I buy toilet bowl cleaner and occasionally Drano.

I'm not making meth -- I'm budgeting.

Other budgeting strategies include buying in bulk, especially at shopping clubs. One of my niece-in-laws has been an intense couponer, which also can result in buying in bulk.

Is she making meth? Am I making meth?

No, but apparently, if the authorities come into my home, or hers, we run the risk of having our responsible spending confiscated and our names going into public record for suspicious activity. Because we shop smart.

Law makers are once again responding to lawbreakers by making it more difficult for the law abiding to just live their lives.

Perhaps the popular definition of insanity should be legislated, and then --THEN -- someone will have the legal right to say That Does NOT work.