Sui-sides: My side

When I decide to die, it's not your fault. You are in no way responsible for my decision. It's MY decision.

When I choose to die, it won't be about you. I acknowledge that there will be a feeling that I didn't love you enough to live, and there will be a lot of wondering how could I do that to you. I say again, I can't say  often enough -- it's not about you.

I didn't love you enough?

First off, it is my great, great, overwhelming love for each and every one of you that has kept me going this long. Because I have loved you, I got up from my bed and cooked, and advised,  and even drove all over the countryside  because YOU NEEDED ME.
It is my love for you that keeps me trying.

My love for you has kept me going beyond all reason, beyond all sanity.

Sometimes, in the bad times, I resent that. I don't want held. I want free. Free to live my life  -- or NOT!

How could I do what, exactly, to you? End my life? Lay myself down to  a sleep where I won't have to go to the bathroom, or answer  the telephone, or do any of the many, many things that rob me of my rest, that steal peace from me?
How is that doing something to you? What makes you the star of my death?

I'm tired.
I'm sick.
I'm sick and tired.

I am also in pain. Mental, physical, emotional. Doesn't matter. I hurt.
I hurt, and you can't make that better, although  I know you want to.
I hurt, and healing is too hard. Another chore, another job, another effort.

It's not that you aren't worth  the effort -- you ARE.
It's just too hard, and it hurts too badly.

Finally.
I can't.
I just can't.

Not even you can make it worthwhile.

Give me rest.
Let me rest.

Moving up -- or is it down?

 We are looking for an other home, my husband and I. Age and health are making it difficult to keep up things where we are now, and those same factors have us a little homesick for the 'good old days' that get gooder as we get older.

We would like to go back to Mt. Orab. That's where we lived the longest, and our daughter and her child(ren) are there. We've lost time with the little one, and with the new boy due to arrive any day now -- or April 1) we don't want to lose any more time.
Plus not really knowing how much time Rex has.

After Mt. Orab, we would like to go to Georgetown, Williamsburg, or Bethel. Georgetown because it is close to Mt. Orab, and also closer to Bethel, where we both have family, and Ripley where I do. Williamsburg for the same reasons. Bethel because it's home for us both' before there was an us.
Of course, any surrounding neighborhood will do as well.

What we can pay in rent will depend on what utilities and such we will have to pay for additionally.Neither he nor I can do yardwork, and we are hoping our stay at home daughter will move on and away. We want to be long term tenants.
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We have looked into government housing, for the simple reason that I won't be evicted when he dies. But, government apartments, that Great Refuge ofWelfare Whores,serial petty criminals, Baby-Makers (for income) find themselves "Unable" to help hard working people who have always paid their rent.

But -- our credit report is bad. None of the bad is rent, utilities, or other (with one exception) housing costs.

Therefore, we must continue to pay our rent and utilities in a place we can no longer afford. We must strive to maintain a yard with equipment we can no longer maintain or replace. Or use, as far as that goes.

This is how the State of Ohio supports their now unemployed and unemployable working class of the last several decades.

Who gets the Credit for That?

As part of stabilizing the economy, the money people sitting in their high-rise offices have made a bit of noise about 'fixing' credit-money-grubbing mean old banks. They have busy-busy-busily passed laws that 'correct' the way these greedy places up interest rates and weasel out of paying skymiles and the other nonsense that add to the appeal of using certain credit cards as opposed to others. (What's in your wallet?)

Down here on the ground, we're glad to see these changes. Someday, they may change something for those of us who survive paycheck-to-paycheck and pay cash, check, or money order.

We'd like to see some real credit reform.
Something that matters.
Something that makes sense.

Credit reform could start with credit reports not being used for non-credit reasons. Such as getting a job. More and more often, even in retail work, hard-working candidates are being refused jobs because their credit is bad. (You know, possible employer, that just might be why they are looking for a job. Did that not occur to you?) Let's look at an employee's WORK RECORD to decide if he will WORK for us.

Then there's buying insurance. Why should anyone's auto insurance rate be based on their credit history? Shouldn't insurability and the cost thereof be based on the driving record? What do old doctor bills and unpaid utilities from childhood have to do with the need for auto insurance.

The next step is limiting credit reports to pertinent information for the situation. An example of this is apartment rental. Should an individual who has been renting for thirty years, never been evicted, never been sued for unpaid rent, never had to pay (extra) for damages -- should this person be turned away from an apartment because of unpaid doctor bills? What's right about that?

On that topic, some things just shouldn't be used at all. When the economy crashed, many people had to let their homes go into foreclosure. It was the only way the lenders would even look at refinancing. The people who did manage to refinance and are still managing to hold onto their homes are now being punished by following the protocols established by their lenders. They didn't want foreclosure, they wanted to pay a little less for a longer period of time.

Hooray for credit reform. Now that it's all been smugly settled in the bailed out offices, let's get it out on the streets, where real people can use it.

Free on the Internet

Free on the  Internet.

Free credit scores: with a membership in beautiful benefits you'll never need or use. These can cost anything from $99 a month to $199 a year. Maybe more, but those are the ones I've looked at. The good thing here is that you cannot cancel until 30 days have lapsed, (and then there's a cancellation fee)and your informational brochures will be delivered in about six weeks.

Free samples, usually health & beauty substances: just pay shipping and subscribe for monthly deliveries. The shipping fees are more than the product. There are sites devoted to sending people free samples -- after they sign up for at least one thing off each of ten or twenty different pages. And they still need shipping paid in advance.

Free reverse phone look up: I really like this one. They look it up. They tell you the carrier. But if you really want to know who the number belongs to, get ready to pay up. $1.99 for each look up or by a membership.
The look up is free. The info is not.

And there's the seasonal. Free income tax: Step-by-step guidance while filling out your return, checks and double checks that everything is being done properly. Filling out the forms is free. Filing is not. There's a filing fee, with the tax preparation companies.

People get all enthused about all this free stuff. Then their finances are compromised as shipping, memberships, and automatic deliveries are taken out of their banks or added to their credit cards.

People: Stop and Think. How free can it be, if they need your credit (or debit) card number before they will send you anything?
Nothing is free, expect to pay.

Just know when why and how much, and enjoy the freedom of the 'net.