I think it is time.
The world should end.
For all of us.
The only reason I can't end my own world is because I can't inflict that pain on Hailey. I can't even wish for my world to end, because I can't inflict that pain on Hailey.
But if the world itself came to an end, Hailey would be there, too.
No pain for her, whatever there might be in the next world.
If there is such a thing.
She could see her Mammaw Candy
She could run and laugh and play with her Pappaw. She could hold his hand and they could walk to the park together.
Something she has wished for.
And Warren, he could get to know his Pappaw. The man he brought smiles to, the man who had him laughing. The man he called first "a-a" and then "yaya" while now, months later, none of us have names yet.
The man who lit up when the boy was put in his arms.
The light of love and the light of happiness.
Laughter is oh so much that same light.
For myself, I want NOTHING.
Rest and peace and nothing.
I am broken.
I have been broken for a very long time.
I have been broken so long that I doubt I can be fixed.
Those that would fix me can't; those that could fix me (maybe) won't.
And it really doesn't matter.
But if the world were to end, the whole world, we could all be NOT sorry, NOT guilty, NOT alone;abandoned;hurting.
But, for now, the world goes on.
There will be yet another endless tomorrow.
And another.
The world should end.
For all of us.
The only reason I can't end my own world is because I can't inflict that pain on Hailey. I can't even wish for my world to end, because I can't inflict that pain on Hailey.
But if the world itself came to an end, Hailey would be there, too.
No pain for her, whatever there might be in the next world.
If there is such a thing.
She could see her Mammaw Candy
She could run and laugh and play with her Pappaw. She could hold his hand and they could walk to the park together.
Something she has wished for.
And Warren, he could get to know his Pappaw. The man he brought smiles to, the man who had him laughing. The man he called first "a-a" and then "yaya" while now, months later, none of us have names yet.
The man who lit up when the boy was put in his arms.
The light of love and the light of happiness.
Laughter is oh so much that same light.
For myself, I want NOTHING.
Rest and peace and nothing.
I am broken.
I have been broken for a very long time.
I have been broken so long that I doubt I can be fixed.
Those that would fix me can't; those that could fix me (maybe) won't.
And it really doesn't matter.
But if the world were to end, the whole world, we could all be NOT sorry, NOT guilty, NOT alone;abandoned;hurting.
But, for now, the world goes on.
There will be yet another endless tomorrow.
And another.
