My (rented) trailer is falling apart.
My furniture is falling apart.
My finances are falling apart.
Yes, my life is falling apart.
I don't know why.
I don't know how.
The how is kind of fuzzy, all wrapped in mystery and enigma.
But my life is falling apart.
Death seems a stalker.
Granted, I was not close to some of these people, but I knew they were there; that they were an added value in this crazy spiderweb of life, love, and relatives.
I won't mention names, because those who were close(r) may prefer privacy to mourn or even resent (perhaps rightfully) my claim of a loss.
A dear friend before the end of the year.
Various acquaintances, because I and my peers are getting older.
Until summer hit and the family became involved.
An uncle on my dad's side.
A brother in law on my side.
A friend's beautiful young daughter. My heart breaks for this whole loving, living, and now broken family.
Another 16 year old in another car accident, driving her grandparents. My heart breaks for them.
Another of my husband's brothers. There's one left.
Whoops, not anymore. They are all together now, these brothers. It's a strange place for them to be.
It's still so very strange, at times, that Rex just isn't.
And now they all just aren't.
Aren't in the other room.
Aren't down the hall.
Aren't down the street.
Are not just a phone call away.
Or a phone call to mutual kin.
Anyway, my life is falling apart in so many ways.
That means something needs to be changed, and the only things I can change are my own circumstances.
So, it is time to move on, however physically and financially impossible that seems to be.
I have already been added to waiting lists of 10, 6, 5, and 2 years.
I have left my name and number on many answering machines. (Only to have my phone go out of service due to the financial mishaps)
I circle ads in the papers and call.
And wait here and wait for Death's next strike at my already stricken heart.
My furniture is falling apart.
My finances are falling apart.
Yes, my life is falling apart.
I don't know why.
I don't know how.
The how is kind of fuzzy, all wrapped in mystery and enigma.
But my life is falling apart.
Death seems a stalker.
Granted, I was not close to some of these people, but I knew they were there; that they were an added value in this crazy spiderweb of life, love, and relatives.
I won't mention names, because those who were close(r) may prefer privacy to mourn or even resent (perhaps rightfully) my claim of a loss.
A dear friend before the end of the year.
Various acquaintances, because I and my peers are getting older.
Until summer hit and the family became involved.
An uncle on my dad's side.
A brother in law on my side.
A friend's beautiful young daughter. My heart breaks for this whole loving, living, and now broken family.
Another 16 year old in another car accident, driving her grandparents. My heart breaks for them.
Another of my husband's brothers. There's one left.
Whoops, not anymore. They are all together now, these brothers. It's a strange place for them to be.
It's still so very strange, at times, that Rex just isn't.
And now they all just aren't.
Aren't in the other room.
Aren't down the hall.
Aren't down the street.
Are not just a phone call away.
Or a phone call to mutual kin.
Anyway, my life is falling apart in so many ways.
That means something needs to be changed, and the only things I can change are my own circumstances.
So, it is time to move on, however physically and financially impossible that seems to be.
I have already been added to waiting lists of 10, 6, 5, and 2 years.
I have left my name and number on many answering machines. (Only to have my phone go out of service due to the financial mishaps)
I circle ads in the papers and call.
And wait here and wait for Death's next strike at my already stricken heart.
