Everything Does NOT Mean Something

I, for one, am getting tired of seeing and reading about all the secret signs and symbols that "don't really mean" what we think they do. Or that they have any meaning at all.

The latest secret meaning is a safety pin. I haven't read any of the details yet, but apparently, especially in the UK, wearing a safety pin has some secret ritual meaning that the world is only now becoming aware of.

Nope. If you see me wearing a safety pin, it means I found one and picked it up, and stuck it in my clothes to keep it until I get to my safety pin keeping-place. That's all; that's it. (Unless, of course, it's perhaps holding my clothing together until I can get to my clothes-fixing-place.)

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A purple butterfly means a lost twin. Yes, but only a specific design in specific places -- a NICU.

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A black dot drawn on the hand means "help I'm being abused." Seriously?

First of all, after all the publicity, do you think an abuser is going to let his (or her) victim out with marks on her (or him)? Do you think an abuser is NOT so controlling as to notice every detail of dress, hair, markings? You don't know much about controlling persons, do you?

Imagine the confusion and embarrassment this could cause. For you, for the assumed victim, for the assumed abuser, even for the police involved.
Because if I have black dots on my hands or anywhere else, it probably means one of my grandkids got busy with an ink pen or marker.
It could mean I washed (and maybe dried) an ink pen that broke when I discovered it in my hopefully clean laundry.
It could mean I was pondering phrasing while writing something out longhand, and I tap-tap-tapped myself while rearranging the words in my head, trying to choose which looked best and sounded better.

Please don't make me have to explain that to the police.

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Pink or purple heart designs on girls toys are a secret symbol for child predators.


Pink and purple hearts have been part of girls toy designs for godonlyknows how long. At least 60 years. Major toy companies have used some form of these designs for decades Are they in a conspiracy with perverts, and have been all these years?  (There are probably those who would say so.)

What if the child predators prefer boys? Some do, y'know,

Buying girls' toys, whether they have purple hearts, pink butterflies, yellow daisies, or anything else symbolic, are by themselves a sign that there is a little girl in the buyers life. Age indicated by product. This is obvious and about as unsecret as it gets.

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Quit worrying about secret meanings.
Worry about common sense.

Posting your child's school and school functions (especially in advance) will do more harm, and put her in more danger, than buying a baby doll with a pink heart.

If your coworker shows up with black eyes, fingerprint bruises or often just moving tenderly, suspect possible abuse and react accordingly. (That is according to your personality and theirs; your circumstances and theirs; and how supportive and involved you are able and willing to be.)

If you find a safety pin, don't be afraid to pin it to your lapel. You might need it if you lose a button.

There are plenty of real symbols, with real not-hidden meanings, like swastikas and burning crosses. Like earthquakes and meteors. Like wars and rumors of war.

We don't need to induce panic with ignorant modern superstition.

Hi now, Kai-lan, and Exploring with Dora

It's been a long time since I paid much attention to children's programming. Now that my granddaughter is watching it with attention, I'm paying more attention, too. (Because she's never watched anything in my care that I haven't also watched.)

Nick Jr is her channel. Not too much wrong with that, as this child also has a healthy interest in going outside and reading, writing, and 'darwing'. A lot of kids don't, but that's another story.

 Most of the shows are okay. A (very) few are brilliant. Some of it I don't get, but since I'm not its target audience, I'm not too worried about that. Should probably be more worried if I 'got' all of it.

Nick Jr tells parents (or whomever) what the show teaches. Interesting, but not as interesting as what the children -- or at least this child -- learns from it.

Dora the Explorer is supposed to teach all kinds of stuff: counting and Spanish and logic and colors and following instructions. Never mind the Spanish. What Dora teaches, apparently, is that there are different words for the same things. At 18 months, my little one watched Dora, and when Dora had to go across the river and through the forest, Hailey told her she had to boat the water and go in the trees. All English, but completely different words.

This week, Hailey applied the lessons from Ni Hao, Kai-lan, a show that also teaches bits of Chinese. When Mammaw got mad, she observed that Mammaw was mad, thought about what Mammaw was mad about, and decided Mammaw needed to CALM DOWN.

It was a little much, though, when she instructed me to sway back and forth, back and forth in order to do so.

The question I have is how will this work once she goes to school (months away if she can do preschool; only a year away for kindergarten) That swaying back and forth thing sounds like an invitation to mockery to me. Maybe not, if the children are all of an age and all watch the same programming -- or if they are programmed by teachers to do this. (Can't you just see a roomful of four-year-olds swaying back and forth, back and forth every time one of them has a tantrum. When would any teaching get done?)

But it troubles me, and I don't know how to address the problems. On the one hand, observation and application are good things. It's really great that a preschooler can understand you can be mad without it being their fault, or that a river is made of water and a forest is trees. On the other hand, the coping strategies should be private and somewhat internal, or they are invitations to misunderstanding and mockery.

The underlying message is the same as it has always been. The shows are a tool. The real learning comes from the family and from daily living. Know what your children are watching and let them talk to you about it. They are learning and they want you to tell them what's right for your family. And even that it's okay if it's different for others.
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It's all good, as long as we're ALL involved.

Good Deed for the Next Generation.

I've done another good deed for the next generation. I introduced my daughter's not-yet-four -year-old to the public library. A few weeks ago, circumstances made it necessary for her to accompany me to a writers group meeting

Hailey had one question. "Are there toys?"

The meeting was in a room just off the children's section, so it was easy for me to keep an ear and an eye on her.

At first she just sat in a chair with her hands folded in her lap. I came out and showed her the toys, and told her she could play. She said "Okay, Mammaw," and folded her hands and sat in her little chair.

Fortunately there was another little girl at the library with her daddy. The other little girl brought  Hailey puzzles and puppets, and got paper from the librarian  so Hailey could write with the crayons. The daddy got her to play in the castle. (I really had to keep an eye when he got involved, although I knew he was probably harmless. These days, probably just isn't good enough. Sad fact.)

They left, and Hailey worked kid sized wooden puzzles, one after the other after the other. She had them stacked neatly on the table, and the stack was nearly as high as her head.

We left early -- watching the kid and attending the meeting was a little more difficult and disruptive than I had expected.

Today, my daughter came by, and she asked me what happened when I took Hailey to writers group with me. It seems that now, every time they go to town, Hailey hollers out, "There's the berry, Mom. Are we going to the berry? I want to go to the berry."

So, another generation introduced to the magic of the public library.

Now, we just have to keep the libraries open for them.